a taste of the world
how it was supposed to be

I had always thought the person I would fall in love with would make me feel safe
He would be a tall guy with a great smile and peppermint breath
And eyes like waterfalls you cannot swim in
He might have had mahogany skin and calloused hands
He would be my protector I would not need to protect me
But I would let him to make him feel strong
And that would help me breathe
His kisses would be oxygen
And I would never have needed to struggle for air

He might hold me for hours on a leather couch covered with brown blankets
And I would never feel suffocated
He would definitely have had calloused hands

I had always thought the person I would fall in love with would fall in love with me back
It wasn’t supposed to be a fairy tale ending, just mutual
When I fell in love I was supposed to know it was love
And it would happen on the 17th date

We were supposed to have a serendipitous story about how we met
And we would tell our friends over brunch whenever they’d asked
We’d finish each other sentences without making other people sick
Our love would be sweet and healthy and warm

It would never be heavy
It would never leave me up at night wondering if it was really love or just convenience
Our love was supposed to be gradual, not blossoming from loneliness but rather hope

It would be safe
I would not feel neglected and he would feel safe
We would be mostly smiling
And if we cried it would never be because of the other

I had always thought it would happen in my twenties
I’d still be young enough in wedding photos for everyone to believe we shared all our firsts together
No one would think about how I’d spent my adolescence telling myself I was beautiful because I wouldn’t believe those words from anyone else’s mouth
How I’m terrified of commitment and PDA
How holding hands for me is more intimate than sex
And how maybe I shame slut-shamers to stop me from shaming myself

I would have a strapless dress and no scars on my shoulders or down my back
If I had any tattoos either no one would see them or everyone would love them
They would be artistic and small and most likely script or nature
He would have kissed them all a million times

When we got a home together, he’d be able to fix everything that broke
Or we’d fix things together like a hobby we loved
He would love food like I do and we would cook for each other,
Switching off on Sundays

He would love me
The girl to others who has always been too confident, too sure of what she wants, yet too afraid to upset others to run and get it
I had always thought I’d know love before I was old enough to worry about it
But lately I wonder if love will ever know me

is-this-the-end-my-dear:

1-million-sleepless-nights:

theperksofbeingseamus:

Tumblr, teaching more about rape culture than they do in school

.

As a rape victim my feels are killing me.

377

I laid in bed this afternoon
Alone yet warm
I reminded myself I had my own heat
As today transforms into tonight
With the sun at rest til tomorrow
I stretch my body in all directions
Waiting for no one at all

poisonpawz:

themagicianthatneverfailed:

dr-kara:

heretherebdragons:

katbot:


“Start on January 1st with an empty jar. Throughout the year write the good things that happened to you on little pieces of paper. On December 31st, open the jar and read all the amazing things that happened to you that year.”

I’m reblogging this again, to remind people that reblogged this earlier in the year with the “I’M GOING TO DO THIS” comments. Now, here it is. I’m reminding you. You said you would do this. Now join me and start this Tuesday.

I genuinely love this idea. I am going to do this. I will post pictures of my jar and everything. 

oh wow this is a beautiful idea

doing this

I actually did this this year, it’s almost time to open it


Just a reminder to myself to do this

poisonpawz:

themagicianthatneverfailed:

dr-kara:

heretherebdragons:

katbot:

“Start on January 1st with an empty jar. Throughout the year write the good things that happened to you on little pieces of paper. On December 31st, open the jar and read all the amazing things that happened to you that year.”

I’m reblogging this again, to remind people that reblogged this earlier in the year with the “I’M GOING TO DO THIS” comments. Now, here it is. I’m reminding you. You said you would do this. Now join me and start this Tuesday.

I genuinely love this idea. I am going to do this. I will post pictures of my jar and everything. 

oh wow this is a beautiful idea

doing this

I actually did this this year, it’s almost time to open it

Just a reminder to myself to do this

376

Will the sun rise without me this Christmas
As the darkness seems endless in an empty home
I cover myself in old words from old books that don’t know what day it is
I never knew loneliness until the world pointed it out for me
Will I rise with the next day
Or will it leave me to slumber

375

Her olive skin smoked under the moonlight
Was it the heat from her breast or the warmth in her eyes?
Sweat dripped down his eyelash, a vehicle for his lust
He blamed her for seducing him
Yet she had done nothing but breathe

breebat:

a professor once asked me
to share a koan with the class
and so i recited my favorite:

in a monastery full of monks,
Eshun was the only nun

having noticed her beauty
and fallen in love with her
one monk wrote her a letter
asking if they could meet privately

in front of the entire monastery

374

He told me he couldn’t kiss me
A hallowed interaction
I wanted to hold him closely
Instead he held my gaze
He kept me at a safe distance
Yet I never knew my danger
I am a kamikaze mystery
In mesmerizing brown eyes